We all have iss-shoes...

I've always had a theory that most fashion designers are escaped mental patients - living amongst regular people under the guise of 'arteest'.

So in the spirit of accepting that fashion is ruled by a bunch of clinical psychopaths, I have decided to embrace my inner mad-hatter with some of this season's zaniest footwear.

If you can't beat em, join em, right?


Jeffrey Campbell
























Perfect with a pencil skirt!


*ba da ba chh*

Charlotte Olympia Pumps

Rachel Zoe thought these were, like, totally bananas. If you won't eat it, wear it- right?

Marc by Marc Jacobs Mouse Flats

These are very sexy shoes- the kind you play tootsie with on a hot date (bonus points for mouse-like sound effects!!*)

*Disclaimer: I haven’t had a second date since 2008

Dolce & Gabbana Profile Wedges

They’ll stick by you in the thick and thin, the rough and the sticky, rain, hail and shine. *Sigh* They’re more than just shoes- they’re friends. BEST friends!

Marc Jacob Disco Flatforms

Stolen from Barbie’s own little plastic foot (how barbaric!), these glitter covered sponge planks are perfect for any occasion (in the mental institution that is)

Peter Som and Charlotte Olympia

Much like the shoes my year 7 art teacher wore the day she was arrested for taking her clothes off and rolling in paint.

The rise of the casaNEVER

Top knots, leather bloomers and pleated grandma skirts aside; we’re not the only ones offending the opposite sex with our Man Repelling sartorial choices. The fashion industry is backing another repelling uprising- the new age man of style (otherwise known as the surgency of pussy deflectors)

Staring in the face of virginity- Peter Pan and a very Lost Boy come bearing the style from Nevereverland	Hair, styled by a particularly inept fax machine

It appears as if a band of hobbits from the depths of Middle Earth have hijacked the mens fashion industry and created the new age man of style as resembling the hypothetical love child of Bilbo Baggins and Quasimodo.
Burberry is a never-ending faucet of 'WTF do you call THAT?'

Ronald McDonald du Jour

Although these vulva thwarting looks may score major thumbs up from the listhping fashion queens of Paree...

... As a female I find it hard to whip up an interest in men who look more like they're going to steal my purse and sodomise my cat, than take me on a hot date.

So the moral of the story to fashionistos is ::: if pussy propellin’ is the name of your game, CLOSE your Feb edition of VogueHomme now and walk quickly past Burberry- to salvage your fast depleting muffin magic …

There goes my lady boner ….

all eye want this summer

Question Time!

What effectively conceals the signs of a. ageing, b. one too many tequila shots (and last night's old makeup you passed out in as a consequence of t-shotting) c. stealing glances at attractive chaps in passing, and in some cases d. your identity (offering a freedom whilst engaging in activities others find offensive and/or 'not very neighbourly'*)?

Francoise Hardy guessed it**.

Cue the sunglasses.

I myself am filled with the giddies just thinking which I'll use to conceal my face this summer.

After a gruelling selection process I came to the conclusion that these are my absolute top picks.

These Janz and Cooper Florals are probably the grooviest specs I've ever had the pleasureof coming across. Unfortunately they are valued at just slightly out of my price range and so at this stage I will be fantasizing about wearing them, paired with a white cotton dress and frolicking through the streets of Chippendale fields of wildflowers in soft sunlight, purely from concetrating intently upon this image below.

These Dries Van Noten's Linda Farrow round sunglasses are another true winner in my eyes.
I simply cannot wait to look like I'm channeling the lovechild of David Hockney's spectacles and a giraffe.

Sadly I shared this desire with one too many others and the DVN's are no longer.

Not to worry. Also on my wishlist are these incredibles:
Let me introduce you to Betsy.

Betsy, by Aussie brand Isson, is probably the most amazing pair of Aussie made sunnies at the moment. They reflect my favourite time period and my penchant for two-tone round lenses.

When I buy these I know I'll look just like the twin of Jane Birkin or Brigitte Bardot (it's going to be a piece of cake!)

Until then, I leave with you an itemised poster to determine who you want to channel this summer when you're crawling home from the cross in the early hours of the morning. Kanye? Dame Edma? Michael Caine or even Gandi?! The peoples at Moxy Creative put together this nifty little guide. Me, I think I'm a Hockney paired with a mix of Giraffe and Edma.

*In the words of the fair Anna Lou

P.S We're doing our first giveaway next week, so keep your eyes peeled!

Australia's National Day of Man Repelling

...known to most as The Melbourne Cup.

The only day on the calendar when wearing grotesquely enormous flowers and other assortments of 'art' on your head is deemed not only appropriate, but the way forward.

Those who know me may question my credentials for passing judgement (especially after a slew of unsolicited photographs of me recently surfaced on the interwebs*).

The Melbourne Cup confuses the shit out of me, much like I'm sure this fellow is confused by

a. the notion of acceptable sartorial decision making and

b. his lady friend's decision to wear a visual method of birth control on her head.

I also speculate the relationship he holds with his razor. His beard offends every fibre of my being.

When all sensible sartorial decisions are flung from the window, this propeller could quite literally take her places. (albeit, not likely anywhere heterosexual men are likely to frequent).


*I largely have Paul to thank after he circulated said images of me appearing more like a mental delinquent than a social butterfly, around our office. But on the plus side, at least I don't fall asleep standing up!)

If this picture wasn't enough to blow your eyeballs out of your sockets, some more hand-picked winners committing crimes against my eyeballs to tickle your tastebuds:

Dear Kate, you are beautiful, but your gargoyle-inspired ass-hattery is ludicrous, and you are killing me inside.

Asshats for as far as the eye can see.

pass the peroxide, sista!

**DISCLAIMER: Even though I didn't partake directly in the Melbourne Cup festivities, I will not argue against the champagne breakfast and half day of work we were granted..